Saul vs David

David tried to cover up one mistake by another, following the Bathesheba incident. God intervened, NOT when David asked for His help. God intervened at the moment when David thought he had successfully covered up the whole thing. God is the one who got David back. And the difference between David and Saul is that David repented immediately afterwards, while Saul still persisted in his own ways.

And in fact through God's "punishment", God blessed David. God pulled him out of his sins.

Sin is never without consequence. That is why David's first son with Bathesheba died.

When I think about it, I realised I am more often like Saul than David... despite being repeatedly warned by God, I still persist in my own ways somehow...

Jealousy

It's so easy to be jealous of someone else.

I read Deuteronomy Ch 2 yesterday. God distributed the lands according to His will among Moab, Ammon and Edom. God told the Jews not to provoke them to war. (If I were the Jews, I would be thinking, hey God, these people had sinned and worshipped idols, and I ouldn't believe that You're still protecting them.)

Just like the way God has distributed gifts among us. We should be happy with what God has given us. This is easier said than done though. It's so difficult to understand how God can love some people that much. I really don't have that much love for everyone.

Got to work harder on this.

Walking with God

I noticed that quite a lot of people equates their spiritual life with the quality of their devotional time. For me, I can have a pretty good spiritual life without much devotional time. (Don't get me wrong, devotional time is important, I just think it is not the most important. You can have the best devotional time in the world, and then when you walk out of your closet, you walk in your own way.)

For me, a good spiritual life is walking with God every moment of my day. Not just in my devotional time. Also during work, and at rest. Whatever you are doing, Wherever you are. It's a habitual sense of God's presence.

It's like what Brother Lawrence did. He is a 17th century monk who learnt to meditate on God through his work in the monastery kitchen.

"This made me resolve to give the all for the All: so after having given myself wholly to GOD, to make all the satisfaction I could for my sins, I renounced, for the love of Him, everything that was not He; and I began to live as if there was none but He and I in the world ... I worshipped Him the oftenest that I could, keeping my mind in His holy Presence, and recalling it as often as I found it wandered from Him. I found no small pain in this exercise, and yet I continued it, notwithstanding all the difficulties that occurred, without troubling or disquieting myself when my mind had wandered involuntarily. I made this my business, as much all the day long as at the appointed times of prayer; for at all times, every hour, every minute, even in the height of my business, I drove away from my mind everything that was capable of interrupting my thought of GOD. Such has been my common practice ever since I entered into religion."

--Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God

N.B. Of course, you need to be careful not to do this in a New Age or Buddhism kind of way. These meditation stuff can lead to these non-Christian beliefs.

Abrupt Awakening from a Dream

I was woken up by my mother at 7am while I was having this dream.

It's the usual kind of dream everyone has some time in their life. I dreamt about being chased.

I woke up feeling drowsy but with a sense of hatred. It's Psychology 101. Even I know how to interpret this. The fact is I hate the people who were chasing me. Up till this morning I have never realised how strongly I hate them.

I deceived myself into thinking it's just dislike. When people do certain things to you, it's normal to dislike them, right? Yeah!

I started to question my feelings on this matter while I was reading the Secrets of Vineyard last week. (See my previous entry) I didn't give the matter any more thoughts until I woke up today with the realisation that I HATE these people.

I know I need to resolve this feeling of mine. Again, what Diana Gabaldon (my No. 1 favourite writer, in case you don't know) wrote in Drums in Autumn on the matter of forgiveness came up in my mind. (She's a devout Catholic.)

"How to tell her in words, then, what he had learn himself by pain and grace? That only by forgiveness could she forget -- and that forgiveness was not a single act, but a matter of constant practice."

I'm gonna start practising it- today. Then, and only then I can move on spiritually.

Secrets of Vineyard

I know it's a bit late to read this book. It was published in 2001. Written by Bruce Wilkinson. (Sounds familiar?? he's the author of the Prayer of Jabez)

Well, it's on sale. Its original price is US$9.99, I bought it with HK$15!!!

The whole little book is about John 15. I'm not entirely certain that its interpretation of the passage is right (who can be sure anyway?), though the underlying teaching serves as a great reminder.

In summary, this book is about:

1. If your life consistently bears no fruit, God will intervene to DISCIPLINE you.

2. If your life bears some fruit, God will intervene to PRUNE you.

3. If your life bears a lot of fruit, God will invite you to ABIDE more deeply with him.

For me, the most interesting point is Point #1 on John 15:2, "Every branch in me that does not bear fruit, He takes away." According to the author, the word "taketh away" in Greek is airo. And it doesn't mean cut off, instead it means lift up.

So what does it mean to lift up a branch? The writer learned from a vineyard owner that new branches tend to grow downwards and become covered with dust, and as a result, they cannot bear fruits. What the owner needs to do is lift them up and wash them, so that they can bear fruit again. Of course, the dust represents sins, sadness, etc.

What struck me most while reading this (other than learning about how vines grow) is the example that the writer used in explaining this-- a woman who was stuck spiritually at the same point for years because of her bitterness towards her mother. Not that I have the same problem. Definitely a similar problem though. (I'll explain this in the next entry.)

As for the second point on pruning, it's from "Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:2 In short, it's a test of faith when God wants you to bear even more fruit.

And the third point is from John 15:4, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abide in the vine; so neither can you, unless you abide in Me." When you're already bearing quite a lot of food, you need to abide in God to bear even more.

Sermon on 13/8/06

Last Sunday, I heard a sermon on Revelations Chapter 2, about the letter to Ephesus.

Christians in Ephesus had patience and hard work. However, they had left their first love. Without love, work becomes routine, patience is just tolerance.

This is what I've been doing. Finishing the work in church and fellowship. Tolerating some of the people I don't like all that much.

Low Point

I have been in a trough for some time, spiritually speaking. It hasn't been this bad for a few years. Just immediately before my last spiritual revival, I had been elected as a committee member in my church fellowship (responsible for promoting spiritual growth, yeah God just LOVES irony). And since then I had held this post for 3 consecutive years. THE greatest spiritual growth in my life occurs in the first year, the second year is quite ok, since then it's on a downhill course.

Guess what happens today? I am elected to be the chairperson in the fellowship committee. What exactly is God planning now?? I've been thinking of writing a spiritual journal for some time. It seems to me a good time to start one now, to record God's work on my life. (And a change in the layout of MSN space further pushed me into the decision of starting this new blog.)

Hope my work for God this year can stop being routine, and God can use whatever to shape me the way He wants me to be. (I just hope things don't go too bad. God loves using disasters on stubborn people like me.)